5 Do's and Don'ts When Talking to a Wheelchair User

Hello, Internet! Over the next thirteen weeks or so, I will be sharing with you all my experiences and expertise as a professional disabled person.

As a person, of course, I have had numerous experiences with people that have been great!

However, living with a disability, sometimes makes meeting new people uncomfortable. Why you ask? Simply because, people see my wheelchair and do not know how to act towards me, thinking that because I'm physically disabled I am incapable of having intelligent conversation.

As a result, I have compiled a list of do's-and-don'ts to help break any conversation barriers between wheelchair users and the able-bodied.

Photo Property of scope.org.uk

5. Crouching Down to their Level When Speaking- Luckily, I haven't had this happen to me too much. However, it still occurs. The problem with this is that right away there is the acknowledgment that the able-bodied person is trying to "relate" to us by being on "our level." However, it just ends up creating a spectacle. The person will kneel, but of course, have to rest a hand on wheelchairs, in the process, getting right up into the individuals face. Some people may defend the action because the disabled individual may not be able to hear the able-bodied person or vice versa because of the height difference. However, as long as they don't sound like Lilly from Pitch Perfect (the girl who whispers all the time), you'll hear them fine.

4. Asking, "What Happened?"- It is fine to be curious about a person's story. When I meet new people in the disabled community, I'm even curious to hear their stories. However, do not ask someone to divulge sensitive information within the first five minutes of meeting him or her. You wouldn't like it and they won't. The main reason I advise against this is because some people become disabled as the result of an accident. Do not ask someone what happened to him or her and how he or she coped when they may very well still be coping.

     

Photo Property of livingmadeeasy.org.uk

3. Initiating Conversation by Trying to "Help" them Even When they Say No - Do not try to help a disabled person when they tell you not to. There are already enough things in day to day life that we need help with and, when we can do stuff ourselves, we intend to. Of course, we do not mind people asking once to assist us. It's nice to know that if I were drowning in Lake Michigan I would not be left to sleep with the fishes. Just remember: NO MEANS NO. Do not force help on someone just because you want to do a good deed.

2. Directing Questions About The Disabled Person to a Third Party- If you want to have a conversation about a disabled person, direct all questions to that person. It's incredibly frustrating to have someone believe that a physical disability automatically means the person has a cognitive one. It has a tendency to make us feel like outsiders, like we're not entitled to share our thoughts. It is an honest mistake people make but with a little more consideration it is easy to avoid. The exception to the rule is if you begin talking to the disabled individual and honestly cannot understand them. However, to lessen the awkwardness, usually the third party will step in.

And now, the big kahuna, the numero uno, the most IMPORTANT rule of all!



1. Do NOT tell a Disabled Individual they are Inspirational- You think you're making the individual feel good. After all, our lives are more challenging than the average person. We should get awards and parades just for going out to get the newspaper, right? Wrong! When we try to work past those challenges, it's not solely because we are trying to succeed in the face of adversity. I am living my life not to prove anything to anyone or to inspire, but because I want to have a life.

Well that's it for this week! Come back next week when I'll be sharing hilarious anecdotes that inspired these tips. If you like what you've read, make sure to leave a comment.

For more information on etiquette offering tips on a range of disabilities visit:
 http://www.unitedspinal.org/disability-etiquette/#palsy