Awkward Encounter #1

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Hello, again! Last week, I gave you guys five tips  for how to talk to a wheelchair user. I promised I'd share some experiences that inspired those tips, and I intend to deliver! However, to keep you wanting more, I’m going to do it in two installments; one story apiece!

Our first story takes place on a summer's day. But first, some background.

 I have scoliosis. This is a disorder where your spine curves more than it should. This can be really bad, especially, when your spine curves so much that it begins putting more pressure on your lungs than it should.

So, the summer before 8th grade, I went under the knife to have titanium rods placed on my spine. 

I’ll save you from all of the details of my recovery, let’s just say that, after two months of tireless recuperation, my spine and I were ready to get back out into the world. Which is why I didn’t say no to going to Kohl’s with my mom and sister.

I should add one detail about my recovery: to keep the rods in place while they were fusing into my spine, I had to wear a TLSO brace. When I would go out, I would wear it underneath my clothes. Nevertheless, it may  have played a part in the events to follow. 

Property of indiamart.com So as I was saying, on what I presume was an August afternoon, I went to Kohl's with my mom and older sister.

At some point, my sister left us to go try on some clothes. Rather than sit and wait for her, my mom and I carried on through aisles and aisles of clothes, shoes, and more clothes. As you can imagine, I was bored out of my mind.

 Eventually, I started to space out. As I was in the midst of what I'm sure was a great daydream, two elderly ladies approached us.

“Hello”, they said. My mom said returned the greeting.

“We’re sorry to bother you but, we were just wondering, can we pray for your son?” one of the ladies said.

"Ummm.... Sure", my mom responded. At the time, my mom thought that they would go to their church on Sunday and ask the priest to lead their congregation in a group prayer for me. So, asking if they could do that wasn't out of the question.

That didn't happen, though. Instead these women bent down, placed their hands on my head, and began praying. Right there, in the middle of the aisle.

We didn’t know what to do. As I said in my last post, I’m no stranger to people asking me personal questions or to tell me I’m an inspiration. But, this was weirder than anything I’d ever experienced.

Seeing as we didn’t know what to do, we stayed put. The seconds ticked by. 

I became more mortified by the second. I was hoping and praying (ironic, right?), that they wouldn't draw a crowd, among the narrow aisles. My mom was probably trying not to wet her pants at the ridiculousness and awkwardness of the situation. 

At one point, I saw my sister from a few feet away carrying clothes in both hands. We made eye contact but the minute she realized what was happening she darted for the other end of the store.

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I decided since I couldn't do anything about it, I was going to just let it be. This reaction was probably more a result of my initial disbelief that any two people would be this forward.

 I was in shock and paralyzed.... no pun intended. I was longing for it to be over and trying to draw my attention to other things: the ceiling panels, the walls, the aisles of clothes, anything.

Amidst my effort to space out, they got quiet. They had stopped praying and I was relieved! I even let out a sigh. They both stood up, one of the woman declaring, "Oh! I feel dizzy!" which, made it sound as if Jesus himself had conducted the prayer and was leaving her body. 

I let out a quiet chuckle at this comment, which dispelled some of my embarrassment. They said goodbye, my mom offered a reluctant thank-you, and they left.

My sister stepped from the shadows, and with no hesitation, we ran as fast as we could to the checkout line. 

"What was that about?,"my sister asked. At this, my mom burst out laughing.

On the way home, we recounted the story for her. We didn’t even have to exaggerate to make it funnier. 

At home, later when my dad came home from work, we recounted the story for him. Like before, we couldn't stop laughing as we did.

That's all for this week. If you like what you've read, comment down below the craziest experience with a stranger you've ever had! Talk to you next week. 

5 Do's and Don'ts When Talking to a Wheelchair User

Hello, Internet! Over the next thirteen weeks or so, I will be sharing with you all my experiences and expertise as a professional disabled person.

As a person, of course, I have had numerous experiences with people that have been great!

However, living with a disability, sometimes makes meeting new people uncomfortable. Why you ask? Simply because, people see my wheelchair and do not know how to act towards me, thinking that because I'm physically disabled I am incapable of having intelligent conversation.

As a result, I have compiled a list of do's-and-don'ts to help break any conversation barriers between wheelchair users and the able-bodied.

Photo Property of scope.org.uk

5. Crouching Down to their Level When Speaking- Luckily, I haven't had this happen to me too much. However, it still occurs. The problem with this is that right away there is the acknowledgment that the able-bodied person is trying to "relate" to us by being on "our level." However, it just ends up creating a spectacle. The person will kneel, but of course, have to rest a hand on wheelchairs, in the process, getting right up into the individuals face. Some people may defend the action because the disabled individual may not be able to hear the able-bodied person or vice versa because of the height difference. However, as long as they don't sound like Lilly from Pitch Perfect (the girl who whispers all the time), you'll hear them fine.

4. Asking, "What Happened?"- It is fine to be curious about a person's story. When I meet new people in the disabled community, I'm even curious to hear their stories. However, do not ask someone to divulge sensitive information within the first five minutes of meeting him or her. You wouldn't like it and they won't. The main reason I advise against this is because some people become disabled as the result of an accident. Do not ask someone what happened to him or her and how he or she coped when they may very well still be coping.

     

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3. Initiating Conversation by Trying to "Help" them Even When they Say No - Do not try to help a disabled person when they tell you not to. There are already enough things in day to day life that we need help with and, when we can do stuff ourselves, we intend to. Of course, we do not mind people asking once to assist us. It's nice to know that if I were drowning in Lake Michigan I would not be left to sleep with the fishes. Just remember: NO MEANS NO. Do not force help on someone just because you want to do a good deed.

2. Directing Questions About The Disabled Person to a Third Party- If you want to have a conversation about a disabled person, direct all questions to that person. It's incredibly frustrating to have someone believe that a physical disability automatically means the person has a cognitive one. It has a tendency to make us feel like outsiders, like we're not entitled to share our thoughts. It is an honest mistake people make but with a little more consideration it is easy to avoid. The exception to the rule is if you begin talking to the disabled individual and honestly cannot understand them. However, to lessen the awkwardness, usually the third party will step in.

And now, the big kahuna, the numero uno, the most IMPORTANT rule of all!



1. Do NOT tell a Disabled Individual they are Inspirational- You think you're making the individual feel good. After all, our lives are more challenging than the average person. We should get awards and parades just for going out to get the newspaper, right? Wrong! When we try to work past those challenges, it's not solely because we are trying to succeed in the face of adversity. I am living my life not to prove anything to anyone or to inspire, but because I want to have a life.

Well that's it for this week! Come back next week when I'll be sharing hilarious anecdotes that inspired these tips. If you like what you've read, make sure to leave a comment.

For more information on etiquette offering tips on a range of disabilities visit:
 http://www.unitedspinal.org/disability-etiquette/#palsy